RASSLIN’ REPS! U.S. Congress Replaces Debate Proceedings with Pro Wrestling Fights — Now With REAL News

“It was only a matter of time,” said Dylan R. Sleano, CEO of Absolutely Excellent Wresting. “The U.S. Congress debate process is an exact match with the professional wrestling entertainment model.”

Sleano was speaking to potential investors. He called the meeting as news broke that his company was awarded a ten-year contract to modernize U.S. Congress legislation proceedings.

“A lot of business mergers talk about synergy,” Sleano said. “But there has never been a fit this perfect. Both organizations are essentially the same. You have a fake battle between two sides, carefully choreographed to present the appearance of a titanic struggle and excite viewers. In reality, the outcome was previously agreed upon and rehearsed. No action by the audience will change that.”

When asked, “Then why the change at all?” Sleano was prepared with his answer.

“So the American taxpayer gets their money’s worth. They are footing the bill for a fake fight, there’s no need for it to be dull.”

Sleano’s quick reply did not, however, satisfy all critics.

“What does this mean for democracy? For society? For the free exchange of ideas?” asked professor Naomie Gorenbam…