PRIVATELY OWNED! Deregulation Lobbyist Drowns in Tub while Private EMS Refuses aid Due to Late Fee

“We regret the error that indicated Mr. Grovequist had not paid his bill, when in fact he had, but we are confident that our business escaping any consequences is what he would have wanted.”

Well-known anti-government deregulation lobbyist, Norbert Grovequist was found dead in his home today. Authorities, once given access to the scene, ruled the death an accidental drowning in the bathtub.

At a press conference, the local police chief explained how the tragedy unfolded.

“At approximately 10:30 a.m. associates of Mr. Grovequist called in a welfare check. Apparently, he had missed an important meeting in Washington, D.C. with business leaders. Our officers responded to the scene immediately but were unable to render aid for nearly an hour.”

“The delay was caused after our patrol was denied entry to Mr. Grovequist’s gated community. All entrants, including first responders, are not permitted inside unless they are vetted by the community’s private security firm. After officers submitted their badges for a background check, they were granted access at around 11:45 a.m.”