MAJORITY FOOLS! Democratic Party Regrets Error that Accidentally Helped the American People

“What a colossal error that we worked this hard to get nothing done and something accidentally got done.”

“This is not our role! This is not what our party is about!” screamed Speaker of the House, Traci Legosi (D-CA) delivering an unusually clear, concise, and coherent message.

“In my epoch-spanning career,” she continued, “I have never overseen a blunder this enormous. We are going to launch at least six investigative committees to pore over every detail of this tragedy before doing exactly nothing.”

Henry “Huck” Bloomer, Senate Majority Leader (D-NY), echoed the regret. “I just don’t understand how this happened. When we find the ones who did this, I’m going to say — just like they do on that picture show — ‘Book ’em Danno.’“

The gathered press reminded Bloomer that the “Book ’em Danno” reference was from a television show (Hawaii 5–0) that was canceled 40 years ago.

“Oh,” chuckled Bloomer. “I guess I should update my cultural references. Ever heard of that show Gunsmoke? No? Oh well. The point I’m trying to make is, when we find out who did this, the culprits will get a finger wagging such as the world has never…