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HEAD OF STATE? Headless Fetus Wins Election, Will be Next Tennessee Governor
“This is a sign!” cried a long-time resident. “Here in Tennessee, soon we’ll have a governor worthy of us!”
When all the votes were tallied, the election volunteers, already exhausted from a full day of thankless work, re-counted the votes by hand.
“I couldn’t believe the results myself,” said Judge Julie Barban, Tennessee’s state-wide Director of Election Services. “I ordered a recount. I can now say with absolute certainty that our next Governor will be a write-in candidate, the headless fetus!”
Ms. Barban was referring to the headless fetus still inside the uterus of a Tennessean teenaged sexual assault victim. The plight of the pregnant girl (whose name is being withheld because she is a minor) became nationwide news when she was arrested by police while attempting to flee the state and seek an abortion.
The write-in campaign for the headless fetus was coordinated by a group known as the Lord Almighty’s Righteous Disciples. The same group is also on the FBI’s homegrown terrorism watchlist.
“This is a sign from Jesus!” cried Basheba Odenus, CEO of the group. “Here in Tennessee, soon we’ll have a governor worthy of us!”
